Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
