One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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