haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
