You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
