i think i have two assholes
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
