: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
