You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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