Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
