I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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