Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
