Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
