one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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