You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
