hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
