whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
