I'm jealous of your bromance
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
