if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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