I CAN MOONWALK!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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