i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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