someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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