Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
