it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
