I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
