loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
