I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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