I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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