24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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