he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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