insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
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