onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
