im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
