I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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