This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
