I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
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I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
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I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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