I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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