Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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