the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
