I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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