totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
