fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
