Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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