im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
