you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
