I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize