I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
