Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
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Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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