I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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