dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
we're so committed to being not committed
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
