miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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