He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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