no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
