dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
