I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
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I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
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Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...