I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am