Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.