Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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