Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
