i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
