If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
