Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
