No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
