and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I need to calm my uterus...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.