I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.