I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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